Bye bye my sweet sleep

Oh, what a week it has been. My daughter had a stomach flu of some sorts and it didn't seem to bother her during the day, but was all the more interesting at night. You know that time when you are supposed to be asleep.

I´ve changed and washed her sheets and her pyjamas about six or seven times now, after carefully removing the terror that used to be her diaper and washing her from head to toe. All this in time frames of an hour to an hour and a half. This means that I have effectively missed a nights sleep this week.

That hurts.

I don't know about you, but losing this much sleep really wreaks havoc on my capacity to function during the day. Which wouldn't be so bad if I could sleep a hole in the weekend, like I used to in the good ol' days. But those days definitely belong to the past. My saturdays and sundays start at about seven, when my daughter is sure she had enough of that sleep thingie and continually cries out to tell me about it. Of course during the week my alarm clock is basically telling me the same; No more sleep for you mister!

They say it gets better when they older. But that's coming from the same people who neglected to mention that you won't get any sleep in the first few months ... years ...

But then again. When she's washed and fed again and is curling up in your arms at two in the morning. Smiling without a care. You get al warm and fuzzy and alive ... and enjoying EVERY minute of it, whether you like it or not.

'Guide Decision'

That is the essence of an IT Architect. Your job is to provide a decisionmaker with the best possible option with the least consessions, having assessed the facts, the risks and the demands

Some architects argue that they are merely facilitating the decision making process, but that's selling the profession short. Facilitation stops with a layout of all the given options, including their pros en cons.

But the true passion of an architect lies in conceiving an option that is best for all parties concerned and advocating this option. That's what constitutes the guidance that you are obligated to give, whether it is asked for or not.

Freedom of choice

I used to think that to have the freedom of choice meant something rational. Having multiple options and by logic and deduction chosing the best one, instead of having an option forced upon you.

It is true that the opposite of this freedom is indeed having to accept the only option given, but true freedom has nothing to do with reason or logic. Freedom of choice is the ability to do that, which is in harmony with your emotions.

This may even mean that you don't even need that many options, because in every situation you can still choose to let your emotions be in harmony with what you do. When you can do that in every situation, you will attain perfect freedom, that can never be taken from ou.

What's your Plan?

My daughter is a very smart little girl. Yesterday she asked me: "What's your Plan for the future, Dad?". Well okay, maybe she didn't literally say those words, since she's only one year old, but still. With those big brown eyes she stared at me and made me realise that there is more to this world than just me. I now have another person to think off. Somebody who I hope will have the best possible future.

And maybe, just maybe, there are even more people that I have to think of. 6 billion of them to be exact. Now I know that I can't take on the whole wold, that makes no sense. But I can give a little bit back. Give a little to those other big brown eyes who have no Dad to look up to, to ask for that same future that I am wishing my own daugther to have.

Nick has left

With the introduction of virtual meetingpoints, like bulletin board systems and later on the Internet, we needed a string of characters for our identification. This was the birth of the screen name or 'nickname'. A nick was a necessity for text based online environments, since there was no other way to uniquely identify ourselves in a humanly way. This necessity soon turned into a gift.
With the absence of our face, our voice and our name in the real world, we could create an alter ego. We could explore another personality. Be who we would like to be, instead of who we were. We could be that cool guy, instead of a shy geek; that beautiful woman, instead of the ugly little duck.

Unfortunately with every opportunity there is abuse. Young girls are lured into sexual activities by the identy of another young girl who is actually a dirty old man. Lies are being told under the pretense of truth, since it can only be traced back to a virtual identity and not a real one.

This abuse has sparked a new trend. The Internet has now become so common, that we want to use it as a substitute, or rather an extension to our real world. We want to communicate from real person to real person. We want to use the virtual marketplace for trading our real goods. But how can we trust the nick on the other end of the line? That´s why we are now starting to show our true identiy on the Net.

Amazon is now marking comments with a "real name" tag, if that person is using the name on this credit card to sign his comments. Gmail and community web sites like MySpace and Friendster let you add a photo of yourself, to show people who you really are. These are all signs that your virtual identity is becoming a reflection of your real identity instead of you imagination, with the inevitable result that your nick has to go. Bye Nick.

Thoughts on Thinking

"What do you think when you have not developed a natural language yet?" -- My one year old daughter can look at me, analyse and interpret my actions and act on that, without ever having a phrase or sentence to cross her mind. Not once will she think something like "oh, it's that what he means", simply because she knows no vocabulary or syntax to formulate that sentence. Still she must have the equivalent of such a thought, since she does what I ask of her.

If my daughter can think without formulating her thoughts into words, would it then be possible that all our thoughts are speechless at first and that we have developed a parallel thought process that can turn those thoughts into a natural language?

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there -- I do not die.

by Mary Frye

Kissing a train

Yesterday the train suddenly came to a full stop halfway on the track. They said that it was because a man had stepped in front of the train and that we now had to wait for the police and ambulance.

Strange experience that a man can be hit by a vehicle without the passengers actually noticing. When you hit somebody with a car there is definitely a thump, maybe even a crash if he hits the windshield, but with a train there is nothing. Only the reaction of the train driver and the slight inconvenience of the passengers who have to wait for two hours to be on their way again.

Kissing a train is not a good way to go.

momentary eternity

To live in the everlasting length of one breath, free from thought. That's when the color of emotions can truly illuminate you and you will find freedom in the passing of an instant.

For Bill

"So, your Holiness, now your priests are dead, and I am left alive. But in truth it is I who am dead, and they who live. For as always, your Holiness, the spirit of the dead will survive in the memory of the living." - The Mission

Land of Opportunity

Ever wondered why so many IT projects still fail? I think it's because the world of IT runs on people without any formal education who are into it because it's either 'fun' or just a good opportunity.

In which other industry can you still apply for a specialist's position, when all you have is to weeks of training and some experience fumbling at home? That's like becoming a surgeon, because you like to cut the meat when cooking.

The reason that this situation continues to exist after the three or so decades, is because people in general still don't grasp the complexities that make up the IT environment. But also because people in IT explain this fact.

Rocket sience is what it is, namely complex, but take some intelligent people, give them the proper education and they will be able to do it. It's the same with IT; appreciate it for what it is, invest in formal education for it and prepare the right people to operate it. Only then will IT provide it's full potential to the people and not just to the shareholders of the major IT suppliers.

No Fear

Humans are primarily driven by fear. Fear of losing your primary necessities like food and shelter. Fear of not being socially accepted. It is this drive that creates our habits. Becaus if we keep doing what we do, then we won't lose what we've got. It is only when lose the things we have that we can change. It is then that our fear pushes us alter our ways so we can regain what is lost.

The problem is that we only act when it's too late. But if we could let go of our fears, we could anticipate the changes around us and act on them in advance, thus preventing forced action.

Begrip en Waardering

Toon altijd begrip voor de ander zijn standpunt en waardering voor de persoon zelf. Met dat uitgangspunt kan je met iedereen tot een dialoog komen. Alleen dan is het mogelijk om dichter tot elkaar te komen.

fear is a habit

We are creatures of habit, because our actions are driven by fear. This originates from our survival instincts. We fear everything, because we don't know if it will sustain us. When we find something that keeps us alive, we incorporate it into our daily routine, so that it will continue to keep us alive. Only when there is a threat, that keeps us from our habits, we can change.

The problem is that we have long moved on from our tree with rich fruits, that our habit mechanism let's us come back to. It is not our instincts anymore that we can solely rely on, to guide us through our lives. Our tree with fruits has been replaced by snacks and fastfood. And by relying on our instinct we will just grow fat.

It is now not the carnivore with the large teeth that can make us change our habits, but our own minds that must realize the threat and find alternative and better habits for us.

Time and changes are even going so fast now, that we need our rationale to continually keep us out of our comfort zone. Only then are we able to individually evolve with the same pace as our surroundings.

Detached

I am slowly becoming more and more detached from my inner emotions. Though still quite empathic to the emotional state of others and to the social rules and bounds, I find that the most basic of emotions, are starting to fade, leaving only a shell of my former self.

Could it be that my professional state of mind is starting to invade my personal environment? And what exactly is the border between work and private life? Or is it perhaps the result of meditation?

Whatever the reason, I am now faced with a numbness that I cannot seem to shake.

Trust your time

Trust in others, comes from having only a limited amount of time.

In our modern society we are dependant on others. We need others to build our houses, to provide our food and to supply us with information. But who can we trust?

With our house this is not much of a problem. Building is regulated and more important, you can see the house for yourself. You can test it's sturdiness by tapping on the walls, or by jumping up and down, to test the floor.

With information it's another matter. You trust your immediate colleagues, because can assess their professionallity on a daily basis. The same goes for personal information from friends or family. But how do you assess the validity of information on the Internet? Who do trust to tell the truth or at least give you the correct information? With the vast amounts of information that goes through our fingers, we cannot verify every single piece of information, but it's every single person that can put information on the Internet. So then who do we trust?

Contact

I was introduced to MySpace, which is the same as Friendster. The idea is that you create a profile, that describes your person and your personal interests. You then go out and search for other profiles that might be interesting. With a little luck you can have one or more 'friends' in less than five minutes.

Meanwhile our society is individualizing. More and more people are feeling alone, or are not in touch with their surroundings anymore. People don't know who their neighbours are and truly believe that their pet is the only one who really listens to them anymore.

And yet millions want to be your friend when you're online... or do they?

Creation of life

When a child is born new life is created, or so they say. But in fact only a new identity is created. Life was already there.

Life exists in within each cell and it's the sum of our cells that form our person. Cells divide to multiply the life within them and with each division life expands.

But with conception it's the other way around. Two cells are joined and with that union the two strands of life that they contain are fused, to form something new.

So a child is in fact it's father and it's mother combined into one and with that, life continues. No start, no end.

ISP

I came across a very interesting article today, about the Information Search Process. Apparently we all go through the same stages when we try to uptain information from a large information set.

The following stages were identified:
1. Initiation
2. Selection
3. Exploration
4. Formulation
5. Collection
6. Presentation

In the article which is a little dated, they observed students who were trying to find their way around a library, but the same process is applicable to somebody trying to find something on the Internet. So chances are that you went through the same steps to get here.

rationale in our emotions

The actions of human beings are only a product of their emotions. We like to think that our rationality and sound judgement have influence in this matter, but in the end we are controlled and governed by our emotions.

We've created logic to steer clear of danger and to help us provide for. It is a tool, just like the wooden spears and rocks that our ancestors used. But logic does not dictate what we do, our emotions do. Our basic fears, our need for acceptance, our cravings; they are the ones who control us.